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| well i'm working at LA Fitness gym which is so much fun but so many hours if i'm not at work i'm at school and if i'm not at any of those places i'm at outpatient treatment AND if i'm not there i'm with my most favorite person in the world my lil' brother. Man what would i do with out him he puts the smiles on my face and the joy in my sole he is truly an amazing boy. Well talking about boy i have been getting all the "bad boys " which is getting really annoying i just want to meet one normal guy who doesnt do drug or drinks of has sleave tattoos but they are really hot though i guess i just like the rougher looking guys.lol well school starts the 25 and i'm so excited like tonight i was so excited i went out an bought like 50$ in school supplies and look at computers it was fun i think i'm going to get an Apple buy i have a lot of friends that have an and the never get virus of spam an them and there supper fast which is nice. I'm also going to this celebrate recovery thing at my church "thats were i meet Zane "a bad boy" any way the small group i'm in wants me to go back to treatment i i just don't think i works for me it didn't the first time why would it the second time i'm just sick of hearing it from everyone this is just how i am and probably will never change "i'm broken but not shattered" . | | |
| well today has been kind a stressful day my hole treatment team wants me to go back into treatment for my eating disorder and drinking i really don't want to they also want me to get the hell out of arizona because they don't want me living with my mom. how do i do that i have a hug problem with guilt and i'm pretty sure i will be feeling some when i have to tell my mom i want to move to minnesota. I'm also really stressed at work my gm is a nut and is hard to work with her. Also everyone i work with wants to party with me and i'm trying to stop all that but it is becoming very hard. When i really think about it its kind funny because i'm not even 21 yet and i all ready have a problem with drinking.but seriously treatment was such a waist of time for me ovieuslly it didn't work the first time and what i it dosent work the second time. I don't think it treatment i need i need to just go where there are people that love me and a place were i can just take care of myself for a while | | |
| wow i haven't bloged in a long time well things are getting a little better i got a job at a 4 star restaurant which is cool. I also got my diploma a couple days ago which felt really good and my brother came back from minnesota :) i missed that boy like crazy. i all so moved recently but we are still in the same neighborhood lol.I'm also starting college in september which is exciting woot woot. well that is the good news in my life. Life cant always be perfect though i have been on the road to recover for awhile until my now ex boyfriend took me on a camping trip and he brough 4 of his other friends and well we all got really really drunk and well the scariest thing almost happened to me again him and all of his friends we grabbing me and saying really weird thing to me but at this point i really couldn't walk. so all i could say is leave me alone quit gabbing at me but then one of the guy started to get mad and was saying things to me that was really upsetting so i ran as good as i could to the girls bathroom and looked the door and called my mom so she came and got me but the weird thing about it she wasn't even mad lol. So since then i have lost like 22-25 pounds which probably means i have relapsed and i cant tell my mom because she would be so pissed because i went t treatment last oct. i'm so mad at myself cause i thought i was doing better but i guess not. I really want to move out because my mom is wanting me to watch my brother all the time but i cant because i'm working full time and going to be going to school full time. and i'm trying to get another job because i'm paying my insurance,cell-phone 500$ rent stuff for my dog like all her shots surgery and food/toys, medical bills and school so life is so crazy right now and it dosent help that my mom get mad at me cause i'm never home to watch my brother or help out around the house i wish i could just go back to being a kid again. My brother is also getting bigger and stronger which is scary cause he has a mean temper and well i'm a lot smaller then him and my mom is not help me when she is always telling me how good i look it just makes me want to get smaller. Now one of my brothers friends want to do thing with me and he wont leave me alone he's always calling or texting me and it scares me because its my brothers friend and he is always at are house or staying the night so its at the point i'm not even safe at my own house. My therapist wants me to go back to minnesota she thinks the only way i'm going to get better is if i'm not living with my mom and brother which is kind harsh but true. I would love to go back to minnesota but i'm afraid of hurting my mom cause she is always telling me how much i hurt her and well moving would hurt her a lot and she is always having me promise her that i wont leave her. So right now i'm just praying for an answer on what i should do. I'm also praying that my therapist wont make me go to treatment again lol just kidding but then again am i? i guess i will never know i would go if she said i could go tomorrow but the only thing holding me back is how much i would hurt my family again and hearing how much i disappointed my mom and that the money it cost for me to go to treatment well someone else deserves it more then me. God is with me and he is the only one that knows what is going to happen next all i have to do is listen new cell-phone number is 480-204-7765 | | |
| well i'm really board this week cause I don't have any school this hole week its alright i have all my home work done with and have been to the mall like every day since sunday so i really don't think i have enough money to go shopping again haha. At least this time having no school has given me time to catch up with people in minnesota lol. Thats been nice cause i miss everyone so much. Now that i think about it i have been to the doctor alot this week to which such i even had to go to the emergency room "by the police" haha long story short my mom and i go into a fight and the police and my mom thought i was Od'ing on Drugs because i was freaking out but really was just really mad haha. in about a half a month i will be working at the World Market it pretty cool i can get all of my christmas shopping done there just because everything in that store is so cool lol.no much is going on with me i guess the only other big thing that has happen was my intervention with my counselor, nutritionists,mom,pat, my small youth leader and some of my moms friend they want me to go to treatment for my hole eating problem and for something else i rather not say and i agreed to go because i was just getting worse with i could see but didn't want to except i guess i have alot of work i'm going to Remuda Ranch. Its going to suck lol. Pat well he's being a little gangster that he is he is starting to get into the hole drinking and drugs thing which is scary but i cant be to mad at him because i did the same thing but at leat we got him to stop drug and just smoking that isn't good either but i rather have him smoke then do drug again cause that was a crazy time for all of us lol. Are family is pretty much going through a crazy time right now so just keep are family in your prayers cause we need it it feels like we have this black cloud over are house and now it is starting to lightning so hopefully soon we will start seeing the light but its going to take lots of time love you all lots and will talk to u soon and if you want to just give me a call and chat this is my new cell phone number 480-204-7078 and if i you want to give Pat a call his new number is 480-202-5171 | | |
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Beauty Shop
By Queen Latifah, Alicia Silverstone, Andie MacDowell, Alfre Woodard, Mena Suvari
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Wow this suck I am allergic to peanuts so that means peanut butter to very sad because I love peanut butter but i'm pretty sure I will never eat peanut butter ever again because it sucks big time. I seriously feel like I going to die now they want to do more tests to see if i'm allergic to gluten which I guess is going to suck because they have to stick a tub down my throat. Well that was my bad news for today good new I got am interview at the World Market tomorrow. I was going to be a model but it would cost more then what I would be getting paid. And right now I really need a job because Christmas is coming up fast and money is getting short in the family. So I want to help out with some bills to and save for a truck. Talking about Christmas I will be coming back to Minnesota for a week so I can wait to see everyone well I better get off the computer I have to study for my math test. Talk to you'll later. | | |
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